WDAM.com Laurel-Hattiesburg, MS The Pinebelt's Choice For News, Sports and Weather | On the front line at home part 1

On the front line at home part 1

By Mike McDaniel - bio | email | Twitter

HATTIESBURG, MS (WDAM) - When you first look in the eyes of Darnelle Larremore, it's hard to imagine the violence they've seen; 11 years of physical and emotional abuse at the hands of her first husband.

"It started shortly after the marriage and I was pregnant and he was not happy about that I don't think," said Larremore.

Other than a slap once before the marriage, Darnelle says she never thought her marriage would end the way it did, with her and her two young daughters in a domestic abuse shelter.

"It came to the point where I knew that it was a life or death situation," said Larremore.

That point was 26 years ago, when Darnelle and her husband lived in a small Louisiana town. Darnelle's oldest daughter, Tina Holsen, who was about 11 years old at the time, had gone to spend the weekend with relatives. When Darnelle's husband came home, she says he was upset about some financial matters as well as allowing their daughter to leave for the weekend.

"He beat me up that night. The next morning when he left he said some things like 'I'm going to do it again,' that's when I knew I needed to get out, before he got back," said Larremore.

That's when Darnelle called an abuse hotline, where she was told to quickly pack her belongings and grab her children. After getting word to Tina, they met up in a neutral spot.

"I was scared about what had happened that made her make that decision, so I wasn't sure what I was going to see when I got there," said Holsen.

What she saw is what Darnelle says a child should never see.

"She was very bruised and swollen and just defeated," said Holsen. "It was a sight that I'll never forget, I'll never forget the way that she looked, but she had just made the most courageous decision that she'd ever made."

It was in the eighties and that decision brought them to Laurel, where they stayed about 3 weeks in a shelter which had just opened. It wasn't until they got to the shelter when Tina began opening up to her mom.

"I don't remember when the first time he hit me was, but I would say I was somewhere around six," said Tina.

Tina's abuse lasted five or six years, but before the shelter, neither mother nor daughter shared with each other what was happening, although they had their suspicions.

"I saw some of the physical abuse. And there was sometimes when they thought I was asleep at night that I could hear what was going on and then when I saw the results, I knew," said Holsen.

"When I had black eyes or bruises on my arms or something like that I usually made excuses for those injuries, fell down the steps, ran into the door," said Larremore.

So why didn't you tell anyone?

"Well, shammed, embarrassed because I thought I was the one at fault, I was failing," said Larremore.

The night Darnelle left wasn't the last time she'd have to see the man she had been so afraid of for more than two decades. Through custody hearings and divorce proceedings, although stronger, the woman from years past was still inside.

"He tried to get me to come back and he did threaten me. He did say that I would never be with another man because he would mess me up enough that they wouldn't want me," said Larremore.

Darnelle never pursued charges against her now late ex-husband and says she wouldn't have known where to start if she had. Despite everything taken from her many years ago, one thing Darnelle says will never be taken is the new strength you see when you look into her eyes. The strength of a survivor, not a victim.

"If you can survive this, you can survive anything," said Larremore.

Darnelle did get remarried and has been happily for 17 years now.

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